My Prayer for the Coming Year for Me

My prayer to God for the new year......this is from a song by Brandon Heath......

Give me your eyes for just one second Give me your eyes so I can see Everything that I keep missing Give me your love for humanity Give me your arms for the broken hearted The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the once forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see

Powerful words that could change the world if everyone wished for these things. :)
Happy New Year!!!
Love-Christy

Sometimes I Wonder

Sometimes I wonder

if I write too much

give away too much

emotion

it is easier for me to write

than to speak about

feelings in person (my close friends know this)

but it is never too much

if it helps one person

if it makes someone

feel less alone

because that is what I am

meant to do

I've been so blessed

by little angel friends

who encourage

I hope to pass along the blessings

with writing, painting and friendship

I am so excited to see what

the new year will bring!!!

For Debby who never gives up on anyone!!!

Kindness

Have you ever driven through a drive thru resturant to look inside the window, see the stress, and be glad you didn't work there? I have many times. Now, I try to make eye contact with the stressed person in the window and give them a big SMILE. It is amazing to watch their expression change and for a moment, they give a nice smile back. That is the power of kindness. It is contagious.

Everyone needs to be lifted up. Everyone needs to feel important. Lets take the time to give people a HUGE SMILE today!!! They will return it and maybe for a second their day will get better, I know mine will!

Breathe in the Beauty

Merry Christmas!!!

Feelers

There are so many things

that happen

I can feel but

not really grasp

to stay peaceful

I have to accept the unexplained

this was hard at first

but I can breathe

through it and learn to

live in wonder

to be thankful

for the unexpected

to find joy in the

gifts of color and empathy

An Angel in a Tree

My latest painting--for a kind friend :)

Never Doubt

Never doubt in darkness

What God reveals in the LIGHT

I love this quote!! Never doubt the gifts because things feel dark, take some time, feel through the darkness and remember the LIGHT and all it reveals.

Always Friends

I'll be there for you
if you ever need me
not asking anything
in return
except honesty
no matter how often
I see you
or
how often
I talk to you
I'll always love you
and value you
Friendships can take many forms
all are valued in my heart-
never to be forgotten

My Friend Elizabeth

I was having a really bad day yesterday. I have been having some problems with Ellie. Out of respect to her, I won't blog about them but it is stressful, anyway.

I went to Cara's conference yesterday afternoon with her kindergarten teacher, her teacher told me again how Cara is perfectly happy in her position in our family and how she looks at her school work like she looks at her family position (the baby). She knows this is just Cara's personality and we can't change it so to overcome it she is going to have to really work hard in the next few months to make it to first grade.

While Mrs. Weaver was talking, I was thinking "I can't take one more thing", and I could feel tears coming up in my eyes. She assured me that there is no reason Cara can't do this if we work at it. Well, I left the school feeling like a complete failure all around.

If you read my blog you know the whole story about my painting and how meeting Jo Frost and being on Supernanny helped me with that....also it gave me the vision of how I wanted to help other women get past self doubt so they can shine and use their own gifts.....

One day I was sharing this story with my friend Elizabeth. She told me she had always wanted to sketch and illustrate but she quit trying because of "not thinking she was good enough". Well, months went by and then a few weeks ago, she told me she had started drawing again.

Last night she decided to show them to me. The are so great!! The really great thing is, she sketched them for other ladies who needed support!! I love these stories.

Sweet Elizabeth, you had no idea what I have been going through, so you had no idea what a blessing you were to me last night. It reminded me to not get so down over everyday struggles to lose sight of the things that are important, like helping people and using our gifts to enocourage. That is what you did for me.....God was using you to remind me of the good things.

Thank you!!

I am posting her beautiful picture. :) The writing on her picture says "out of the shadows, she dances"....

Antoinette Lewis from Supernanny

Hi- Antoinette Lewis was recently on an episode of Supernanny. She lost her husband and is having hard times right now. Please consider donating to her fund www.helphernow.com every dollar will help her. She has 2 small children.
If you can't donate please pray for her...and please let others know about her.
Thank you!!
Love-Christy

Cara's Art

All of my kids did very well in art and we enjoyed the art show. This is Cara's art, she is in Kindergarten. I am proud of them!!

It Looks an Angel in the Sky :)

Last Year

Here is one of my first writings from last year. It proves confidence can grow when you have the right help and are following your path. After we filmed Supernanny, I had to make sense of a lot of emotions.This wasn't easy for me but it is best to feel it to move past it.....then, you will be able to see it in others and help them.
So, this is from last year when I had MUCH to sort out. I hope you can see how my confidence has grown.......even if is hasn't always been easy!!! It is short but to the point. :) I am talking about the NUMBNESS!!

where did is start
maybe years ago
it grew to be huge
but i didn’t know
why can’t i just happily move on
to a friendlier place

From this Time Last Year

Here is my origional reason for starting this blog!!

For as long as I can remember I have seen colors and pictures in my head. I can’t really describe it but it is like I think of a person and they have a color. I see drawn pictures in my head of different things. Sometimes the pictures move like cartoons and sometimes they are still.
I was in my 30’s before I realized this is a gift. I didn’t realize everyone didn’t see these things.
I will be writing about that on this blog.
Happy Day!!!
Christy

Enjoy Today!!!

Happy Thanksgiving Blogger Friends

When thinking of things

in my life that are true

my thoughts lead me to you

My friends who take the time

to read

everything I write

My friends who think

I just might

have some kind of

talent or gift

and give my

day a lift

by leaving sweet comments

The Passing Clouds

Just like the clouds roll by
so does life
some clouds cause storms that
we want to pass
some clouds produce a
much needed watering
this is how life is
we need to go through
the storms to know
how to live in the light
to know how to drink
in the refresher rain
feel the feeling
in order
to move forward

Contrasts

There is something about contrasts of color and shapes, that I find peaceful.
Just like the contrasts between people. We are all different but ALL of us have something to offer, something that only we can give....to make the picture complete. :)

Make Sense of Why

Why is a question I ask a lot

about anything I don't understand

everything connects to something

there are no coincidences

to sit and think about the invisible

thread that ties us all together

helps me make sense of all the

WHYS

The Path

God Knows all

he planted the path

for us

in our hearts

sometimes we

have trouble seeing

it

we have so much

to do

so much to see

it is important not

to miss

the clues

the stepping stones

leading to the path

they are there

to lead us to

the places where

our gifts are

most needed

Finding Blue

When I looked at the sky today in the car line, God seemed to be saying "when you think you are living in gray, look closely, you will find the blue".......

Looking Back

It is always easier to look back

and see what would have been

the wiser choice

sometimes I

beat myself up with this

When it is best

to learn from

experience and

use it to make

the rest of the journey

more fullfilling

there is nothing

in our lives that

we can't use to encourage

others when we

speak it from

our hearts

Emma's Goodthoughts

All of my kids are very interested in my sister. My sister is an artist. She paints the Goodthoughts paintings with the woman and the goodthoughts all around her. Emma loves the lady in the painting.

This morning she tried to paint a card like Debbie's Goodthoughts card. I LOVE it. She did a great job!!

For my Friends

It is okay

to

take some time

to understand

yourself

to ponder what

you want

and

what you feel

there is encouragment

you can feel

from others

take it

it will help you

when you

are trying to

follow your heart

Embrace Change

If everyone could

step back and see

things

from others

perspective

it would lead

to more people

walking on the

peace path

arrogance leads

to soul disturbance

humility leads to

JOY

Frantic Energy

Why does life feel

like a race

why does everything have

a frantic pace

It is in the air

the feel of a whirlwind

when really

peace is right there

our feet have to be

grounded enough

to get out

of the wind

and

stop, FEEL

Hearing

Silence is the key

to hearing

what we need to hear

because if we are silent

we can feel God is near

listen with our mind

and heart

most cares will ease

to be replaced by wisdom

in abundance

in the least

the Wind

the wind is blowing

through the trees

like an invisible soul

the leaves dance with joy

the fall sky shines

like a brilliant work of art

breathe in the beauty

feel the wind

it will transport you

to another place

where everything

is clear

Sky Peace

It is interesting to see the shape

of the leaves as

they appear in pictures of

the sunsets

the contrast between the trees

and the sky

is very calming

Peace is very inviting

if you look at the sky

try it you will

feel it

the peaceful blend

of colors

The Empathetic Child

Cara and I were watching Kadi be crazy on her blog. She had a video and she was talking. She has had a horrible cold so she was putting Kleenex up her nose, really STUFFING kleenex up her nose. Cara, instead of seeing the humor, felt bad that Kadi had a nose issue.

She asked me to leave Kadi a comment from her. Here it is, exactly as she said it---

Cara says "uuumm, Hi and smile big, we will pray for you. I hope you have a great Halloween. And, uumm, I hope you have a and I hope I hope you feel better. If you feel better your nose will stop bleeding"... Love, Cara

She is such a funny child. It is interesting for me to watch how she "FEELS" everything others feel.

Upward

Wow, things are looking up for me.....I am so happy to report. I ALMOST lost it, I almost let depression win. I understand now, I understand depression. I thought I understood before but it is hard to understand until you experience it.

It is like being in a dark tunnel. My friend Debby talked to me last week and said 'Do you want to get better"? and then she asked "will you do anything to get better"? She said "you seem to not want to trust anyone who isn't in the tunnel". That was true. I was having trouble understanding how anyone else could understand. This was adding to the feelings of isolation.

Debby said "do you trust me"? The truth is, I do trust her. She has always been there for me and just because she hasn't had a major depression shouldn't keep me from trusting her.

I wrote about this last week, not real sure I believed any of it would work. Truth is, it didn't work right away. I was sitting here sending my friend Kim emails saying "why am I still so sad if the medication is supposed to work" and she would politely respond saying " you have to give the medication time to work".

Yesterday, I just woke up feeling better. The dark cloud above my head was gone. I noticed it immediately. I just felt hope. It was wonderful to have hope again. I waited until today to write this. I wanted to make sure it wasn't a one day thing. Nope, I still have my hope. I am so thankful!!

I will never forget what depression feels like. I want to help people overcome it. Sometimes we have to rely on the strength and prayers of others because we can't find it ourselves.

Thanks so much Kim, Debby, Shannon, Brenda, Donna, Kadi and everyone who has sent me positive messages and everyone who prayed for me. I will always be here for you all. If anyone needs me please email or call.

I am proof that there is hope. I was at the bottom....and I am climbing up now. :)

Happy Moments

I am feeling better today. I have been reading everything on depression. Knowledge is power. The more I know, the more proactive I can be.

It is hard having bouts of being down and then up but I have to be thankful for every UP moment! There are more UP moments now than there were last month. Thank God!

I may paint today. :)

George family blog

Please take the time to check out the George Family blog. It is in my blog links on the right hand side of this page. CJ is a little boy with cancer. It is amazing how inspiring he is!!! His poetry is precious!

The glass of me

I can see at certain times

more clearly

to see through the thick glass

is at times impossible

why is it easier to see others

quite simple for me

I see YOU

but I don't see ME

how is that possible

it is my reality

right now

I can read more of you

than I will let you know

but I can't find me

yet

Happy Birthday Shannon!

Happy birthday to my Canadian friend Shannon!!!!

Love you!!

Loving Light

The different shapes in the clouds

draw my eyes

almost like a trance

the sky is very calming for me

better than any drug

to be able to capture the light

is a gift to me

to see how it bounces off

different shapes

to see how it

can form rainbows

and to know

it is all made by

a great artist

Good Day

Well, I have decided that today will be the first day of a new beginning for me. If I don't change something the depression will win and that CAN'T happen.

With the help of my friend Debby who never, ever, ever,ever, ever gives up on anyone, I am going to change a few things.

The first thing I need to change is my outlook because it sucks. I'm already in the process of changing that one.

The second thing I need to do is pray. I don't mean some legalism crap, I mean pray and have a relationship with God. I let depression completely take over this part of my life and I lost hope.

Thirdly, I am going to get some sort of exercise everyday. This I did promise to Debby and my friend Brenda so I have two people holding me accountable on that one.

Life is too short for me to go on feeling this way. I have to take measures to change it. If I fail, I will let you know and start all over.

In all honesty, I am writing this and starting the plan without real confidence it will work. I have faith that God wants me healthy and that is what is helping me. I want to keep it real in how I feel. I have hope but not a lot of confidence YET.

Thanks Debby! Love you bunches!

The Face in the Clouds

Very Cool!

Today

I am not feeling to great today. I wish I could just get away from myself but that is not possible...

Art by Emma age 7

Feeling Better

Hi,

I just wanted to update on the depression status (that sounds quite funny). I am feeling better. Much better. My mood is better and I am no longer crying.

I am hoping not to have to take the meds long, not because I don't like the "idea" of meds but because the meds make me so tired. I like to have energy to enjoy life and I have to "fake' the energy right now.

Over all though, things seem to be looking up for me.

Remember that what ever doesn't kill you , makes you stronger. :)

Expectations

Sometimes things seem difficult

very unclear

In those cases know

the lesson is near

to walk the journey

and learn from it

is a gift we are fortunate to get

To look for a lesson

takes away the sting

and

helps us look forward to

what life will bring

Emma's Angel

The Light is Removing the Black

The Window

Things are looking up now

the window is more clear

though the reasons still

escape me

things are seemingly more real

God has given me hope

and beauty all around

the dream is still there

it just needs to be found

The Moon has a Face

I wish I could have captured the face of the moon. It looked just like it came from the children's books.

Better

Hi my friends, I wanted to tell you all a little about what has gone on with me in the last few days. I am feeling better today. I am still having moments of sadness but I am feeling better and I have more energy. This depression thing has been harder than most anything I have dealt with medically. In my mind, I know I am blessed to have a healthy family, lots of friends, and a nice house. For some reason the sadness is there, not a "poor me" sadness but just a sadness. It is hard to explain. Every day is a new day and I am a fighter, I can tell it is getting better, I just want to to all go away right now!!! My kids are home for fall break and I want to try to stay outside with them some. The trees, sky and just being outside help me as much as my meds. That is why I have soooo many sky pics. Lots of hope here. Love, Christy

Fall

There is nothing like the trees in the fall.....something so peaceful about them.

Message From Christy

Hello, everyone! This is Christy's friend, Kadi. Christy asked me to let you know that she will be back in a few days. Have a wonderful weekend!

My Doctor Visit

I went to the doctor today and found out my thyroid is off so she is adjusting the meds. This should also help me sleep since thyroid issues can cause insomnia.
She gave me a new presecription for antidepressants. All this should help with my depression. Tomorrow is the first day I will be trying the new medications.
I am still feeling down....but hopefully things will get better. I have to get better so I can be a good mother to my girls.
So, I do have hope but right now I still feel like I want to cry and go sit somewhere all alone. I am being very truthful in my writing so maybe someone else won't feel so alone when they go through this.
I feel like I am letting everyone down and somehow I should be stronger. I know if I were talking to someone else I would tell them not to think like that but I am trying find the truth in how I feel. This is how I feel right now.
Tomorrow is a new day........I find much comfort in the colors of the trees, the beauty of the sky, and butterflies.

I feel like I am looking out a window

watching everyone else having fun

I am invited to join

but I don't have the energy

the fun is there

but I haven't been able to get to it

I will though

I know this

right now

I look at the sky

and stand in awe

of God's colors

color

Depression Chronicles

Well, so many people have emailed, called me, texted me, posted on joFrost.com for me and posted here about depression, I feel like I will try to explain how I am feeling right now. Not great....I am so very thankful to everyone and I love you all sooo much. I am so happy to be able to help people understand depression and I know I will be cured from it.
Nothing has happened to make me sad. I still enjoy talking to people and love friends. I had lots of phone calls today and I cheer up when I talk to people and I listen to everything (trust me, if I talked to you today, I listened)....
I guess what I am trying to say is, the minute I am alone, it all comes back. The sadness, the tears that seem to stay in my eyes all the time now. It is all still there.
I have great hope for Thursday when I see the doctor. I know my thyroid is messed up and that alone can add to depression. I will be sure and keep everyone informed. It is important for me to deal with the medical part of this first.
Nothing will steal my hope. Even if I feel hopeless, I know it will pass. There is always hope.

A New Journey

I think being depressed is one of the hardest things to admit to yourself. I really had to hit rock bottom (I should put that as my first song on my playlist).... It is easy to say "oh, I am depressed" and just mean a blah mood. It is much harder to admit I have a BIG depression going on and it slipped up on me without me even really noticing.

I was feeling lower and lower everyday. Just like I was alone in a bubble and I jumped out of it enough to laugh with my kids and take care of them.

I am going to the doctor this week to try to find out the cause of it. Since my heart is always to help others, I want to share my journey on this blog.

There is hope, always.....