Hearing

Silence is the key

to hearing

what we need to hear

because if we are silent

we can feel God is near

listen with our mind

and heart

most cares will ease

to be replaced by wisdom

in abundance

in the least

the Wind

the wind is blowing

through the trees

like an invisible soul

the leaves dance with joy

the fall sky shines

like a brilliant work of art

breathe in the beauty

feel the wind

it will transport you

to another place

where everything

is clear

Sky Peace

It is interesting to see the shape

of the leaves as

they appear in pictures of

the sunsets

the contrast between the trees

and the sky

is very calming

Peace is very inviting

if you look at the sky

try it you will

feel it

the peaceful blend

of colors

The Empathetic Child

Cara and I were watching Kadi be crazy on her blog. She had a video and she was talking. She has had a horrible cold so she was putting Kleenex up her nose, really STUFFING kleenex up her nose. Cara, instead of seeing the humor, felt bad that Kadi had a nose issue.

She asked me to leave Kadi a comment from her. Here it is, exactly as she said it---

Cara says "uuumm, Hi and smile big, we will pray for you. I hope you have a great Halloween. And, uumm, I hope you have a and I hope I hope you feel better. If you feel better your nose will stop bleeding"... Love, Cara

She is such a funny child. It is interesting for me to watch how she "FEELS" everything others feel.

Upward

Wow, things are looking up for me.....I am so happy to report. I ALMOST lost it, I almost let depression win. I understand now, I understand depression. I thought I understood before but it is hard to understand until you experience it.

It is like being in a dark tunnel. My friend Debby talked to me last week and said 'Do you want to get better"? and then she asked "will you do anything to get better"? She said "you seem to not want to trust anyone who isn't in the tunnel". That was true. I was having trouble understanding how anyone else could understand. This was adding to the feelings of isolation.

Debby said "do you trust me"? The truth is, I do trust her. She has always been there for me and just because she hasn't had a major depression shouldn't keep me from trusting her.

I wrote about this last week, not real sure I believed any of it would work. Truth is, it didn't work right away. I was sitting here sending my friend Kim emails saying "why am I still so sad if the medication is supposed to work" and she would politely respond saying " you have to give the medication time to work".

Yesterday, I just woke up feeling better. The dark cloud above my head was gone. I noticed it immediately. I just felt hope. It was wonderful to have hope again. I waited until today to write this. I wanted to make sure it wasn't a one day thing. Nope, I still have my hope. I am so thankful!!

I will never forget what depression feels like. I want to help people overcome it. Sometimes we have to rely on the strength and prayers of others because we can't find it ourselves.

Thanks so much Kim, Debby, Shannon, Brenda, Donna, Kadi and everyone who has sent me positive messages and everyone who prayed for me. I will always be here for you all. If anyone needs me please email or call.

I am proof that there is hope. I was at the bottom....and I am climbing up now. :)

Happy Moments

I am feeling better today. I have been reading everything on depression. Knowledge is power. The more I know, the more proactive I can be.

It is hard having bouts of being down and then up but I have to be thankful for every UP moment! There are more UP moments now than there were last month. Thank God!

I may paint today. :)

George family blog

Please take the time to check out the George Family blog. It is in my blog links on the right hand side of this page. CJ is a little boy with cancer. It is amazing how inspiring he is!!! His poetry is precious!

The glass of me

I can see at certain times

more clearly

to see through the thick glass

is at times impossible

why is it easier to see others

quite simple for me

I see YOU

but I don't see ME

how is that possible

it is my reality

right now

I can read more of you

than I will let you know

but I can't find me

yet

Happy Birthday Shannon!

Happy birthday to my Canadian friend Shannon!!!!

Love you!!

Loving Light

The different shapes in the clouds

draw my eyes

almost like a trance

the sky is very calming for me

better than any drug

to be able to capture the light

is a gift to me

to see how it bounces off

different shapes

to see how it

can form rainbows

and to know

it is all made by

a great artist

Good Day

Well, I have decided that today will be the first day of a new beginning for me. If I don't change something the depression will win and that CAN'T happen.

With the help of my friend Debby who never, ever, ever,ever, ever gives up on anyone, I am going to change a few things.

The first thing I need to change is my outlook because it sucks. I'm already in the process of changing that one.

The second thing I need to do is pray. I don't mean some legalism crap, I mean pray and have a relationship with God. I let depression completely take over this part of my life and I lost hope.

Thirdly, I am going to get some sort of exercise everyday. This I did promise to Debby and my friend Brenda so I have two people holding me accountable on that one.

Life is too short for me to go on feeling this way. I have to take measures to change it. If I fail, I will let you know and start all over.

In all honesty, I am writing this and starting the plan without real confidence it will work. I have faith that God wants me healthy and that is what is helping me. I want to keep it real in how I feel. I have hope but not a lot of confidence YET.

Thanks Debby! Love you bunches!

The Face in the Clouds

Very Cool!

Today

I am not feeling to great today. I wish I could just get away from myself but that is not possible...

Art by Emma age 7

Feeling Better

Hi,

I just wanted to update on the depression status (that sounds quite funny). I am feeling better. Much better. My mood is better and I am no longer crying.

I am hoping not to have to take the meds long, not because I don't like the "idea" of meds but because the meds make me so tired. I like to have energy to enjoy life and I have to "fake' the energy right now.

Over all though, things seem to be looking up for me.

Remember that what ever doesn't kill you , makes you stronger. :)

Expectations

Sometimes things seem difficult

very unclear

In those cases know

the lesson is near

to walk the journey

and learn from it

is a gift we are fortunate to get

To look for a lesson

takes away the sting

and

helps us look forward to

what life will bring

Emma's Angel

The Light is Removing the Black

The Window

Things are looking up now

the window is more clear

though the reasons still

escape me

things are seemingly more real

God has given me hope

and beauty all around

the dream is still there

it just needs to be found

The Moon has a Face

I wish I could have captured the face of the moon. It looked just like it came from the children's books.

Better

Hi my friends, I wanted to tell you all a little about what has gone on with me in the last few days. I am feeling better today. I am still having moments of sadness but I am feeling better and I have more energy. This depression thing has been harder than most anything I have dealt with medically. In my mind, I know I am blessed to have a healthy family, lots of friends, and a nice house. For some reason the sadness is there, not a "poor me" sadness but just a sadness. It is hard to explain. Every day is a new day and I am a fighter, I can tell it is getting better, I just want to to all go away right now!!! My kids are home for fall break and I want to try to stay outside with them some. The trees, sky and just being outside help me as much as my meds. That is why I have soooo many sky pics. Lots of hope here. Love, Christy

Fall

There is nothing like the trees in the fall.....something so peaceful about them.

Message From Christy

Hello, everyone! This is Christy's friend, Kadi. Christy asked me to let you know that she will be back in a few days. Have a wonderful weekend!

My Doctor Visit

I went to the doctor today and found out my thyroid is off so she is adjusting the meds. This should also help me sleep since thyroid issues can cause insomnia.
She gave me a new presecription for antidepressants. All this should help with my depression. Tomorrow is the first day I will be trying the new medications.
I am still feeling down....but hopefully things will get better. I have to get better so I can be a good mother to my girls.
So, I do have hope but right now I still feel like I want to cry and go sit somewhere all alone. I am being very truthful in my writing so maybe someone else won't feel so alone when they go through this.
I feel like I am letting everyone down and somehow I should be stronger. I know if I were talking to someone else I would tell them not to think like that but I am trying find the truth in how I feel. This is how I feel right now.
Tomorrow is a new day........I find much comfort in the colors of the trees, the beauty of the sky, and butterflies.

I feel like I am looking out a window

watching everyone else having fun

I am invited to join

but I don't have the energy

the fun is there

but I haven't been able to get to it

I will though

I know this

right now

I look at the sky

and stand in awe

of God's colors