the Forgiveness of Friends

As many of you know, I have been through a lot of changes in the past 12 months. There is always a beginning. The first little ripple of change, this is where the ripple started for me, a few months before I even called the Supernanny show (which I will talk about more on Jo's site).

Starting in January 2007, I became a co-leader of a womans 12 step program. I have always wanted to help women and I thought this would be a great way to start.

Things went great for a while, then the stress of leading a group with someone else started to creep in. We started to disagree a little bit on how things were going, how we were leading, and who knows what else.

I don't even remember how it happened or who sent the first email but Jenny ended up offending me (it is not hard to offend someone with little self confidence, someone who had grown numb to their own life). I am ashamed to say, I wrote her back with a nasty email, I said mean things. It is such an easy way out, to say mean things and push send, instead of dealing with all the hurt feelings.

Jenny was angry to say the least. I felt a little bad so I sent an email that said "sorry, I emailed in anger". She didn't respond.

A few days past and I felt horrible. I had acted impulsively and said horrible things. I knew she would never want to talk to me again.

One day I was mopping my kitchen and someone knocked at the door. It was Jenny. She came in and gave me a hug. She said "can we talk"? We went upstairs to talk. I was amazed because I didn't sense any anger or blame in her voice or demeanor. She just looked at me with tears in her eyes and said "what you said really hurt me, do you really feel that way about me"? That moment, I realized someone actually cared enough about me to forgive me. Jenny and I talked and worked everything else. Her compassion and understanding amazed me.

Today, she is my closest friend. She has seen the worst in me and loved me anyway. She is aunt Jenny to my kids and I know she will always be there for them.

When I decide what to put on this blog, I try to think if what I am saying will help someone else. I am putting this story "out there" because it was the first "ripple" of change for me. I had become someone I didn't recognize. I had no life in my eyes at all, totally numb to life. I had the desire to help others but no self confidence. Jenny had shown me the value of unconditional friendship. It was easy for me to forgive but not easy to see how someone else could forgive me. That was the lack of confidence thing.

There is wayyyyyy more to my story. This is only the start. It had to have a beginning ripple.....

Hey, to all my other friends who have been along for my journey. I love you too!!