Today in April

This has been a good day for me. I have had some "not so good" days lately. Living with depression isn't easy for me. If I haven't had the chance to write or paint, then after a few days the depression comes back.

Last week when the big tornado hit here, I was very depressed. I had had lunch with friend on Thursday but by Friday I didn't feel much like talking at all. We were one of the blessed families who still have a house. I felt so thankful and so grateful because my family was okay, but the depression never left. Then, I had to add guilt to the depression because I now felt guilty for being depressed when I should be so thankful. We still HAD a house, so many people (about 250) did not.

Truth is depression won't leave just because a tornado comes. It has made me think, made me thankful, and I am grateful. It has made me realize how short life can be and I have learned so much...but I still suffer from depression.

I am going to have to spend time everyday writing, painting, or taking pictures..because if I don't I become numb, the person looking out from the window of my eyes but not participating. I can't let that happen again and because of a surgery I couldn't help, I had unknowingly compromised my recovery from this disease...

Today, after much thought, contemplation and praying I feel better but I know if I let my guard down for one second, depression can sneak up on me just like a black cloud that pops up over my head (I think in pictures,so I always see the cloud when I am depressed)...

I am going to do my best to take charge of it without increasing antidepression meds, not because I don't like them but because the lower dosages work best for my body.

This is how I have been feeling, I hope it helps others to talk about depression. It has many layers and many shapes, the more we talk about it the more power we have against it.

Thanks Christy for a fun lunch at Puffy Muffin!!! That was the best brownie ever! The pic is from lat October but I didn't take one today. :)