Not Knowing

In order to write honestly on this blog, I have to write and tell exactly how I am feeling. I am not real sure I even know right now but I will do my best.
I really love to help people. I always have. In college I was only interested in courses that could help people or acting..so I graduated with a degree in Sociology with an emphasis in Women's studies and a minor in psy., also a minor in speech and theater with a theater emphasis. I did all of this without really thinking about why. I just loved hearing about ways to help people.
Right now I am having lots of doubts about myself....I still suffer from depression and even on meds, I am very moody. If I can't even get myself on steady ground then how can I help others anyway? I have always told others that no one is perfect but we all have gifts to be used to help. I am doubting that now, for myself.
Maybe it is because I just had surgery and all the resting has given me too much time to think. I don't know. I don't know what I should do. I don't even know if I should keep writing which I love. I am just really sad.
Debby, I don't know if I can find God in the rain this time...you are always so kind to me, you probably know me better than anyone which is why I tend to run from you most. You have the gift to see past what I am saying and know exactly how I feel so sometimes I run from that. I am sorry for doing that to you.
the end