I don't understand how I can be okay one day and then depressed the next.
I don't mean like "poor me" depressed. I mean just total sadness. When it hits me, I don't know what to do. The depression says "just give up" but I can't give up and I know that. I have 3 little girls who need their mommy to be the best she can be. Well, that is not me today.
I don't want stronger medicine. I don't know what I want and don't know why anyone would really care to read this.
I know I have good qualities, I know I can help people but what I know and what I am feeling are two different things. I feel totally useless right now. Totally like a failure. All I want to do is go in a room by myself and cry.
Maybe tomorrow will be better.
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5 comments:
I just found your blog last night, and started reading it this morning, I know things seem hopeless sometimes, and you may not even know why, but you WILL be ok. I was a single Mom of 3 kids, on Welfare for 7 years, and then decided it was time to make ME happy.....I took a CNA class, got my Certificate, got a job at the local hospital, didnt end up with enough hours, so I got a second job at the Supermarket, got off Welfare and I FEEL 100% BETTER about my life, my kids and everything else. I dont know what your situation really is, but if you reach deep down inside yourself, find out what would make YOU happy, not the kids, not the spouse (if there is one) not your Mom or anyone else.......just YOU!
Good luck!!
Thank you. I appreciate your kind words. I am glad to hear you are doing great!
Christy
Hey, Christy. I don't know if it will help uplift you at all, but I'm having one of those out-of-the-blue down-and-out days today too. We all have them, and although I'm sure there are reasons, it's hard to pinpoint sometimes, and so I just have to deal with it until it passes. I have to admit feeling some relief at reading this post and knowing that I wasn't the only one thinking "Where did this come from? And why does it feel so awful?" Sometimes I think it's my emotions processing through the previous night's dreams, which were vivid last night although now I can't recall what they were about. Whatever it is, I hope you are feeling better or get to feeling better soon.
You've been on my mind. Maybe this is why. Take care -
Carmen
Miss C,
As a fellow depression survivor, my best advice is to keep trying new things...try and try until something clicks and its worthwhile (besides your family) to get up out of bed. Treat yourself to a session with a masseuse and/or an acupuncturist. Submit an essay to a local paper, volunteer at local organizations--I'm sure there are many in your area and they all need people with time to give. Take a class at your local Community College in something you've always been curious about. After living with "the blues" for the better (or worse) part of 3 decades, my best advice is to keep busy...idle hands are the Devil's playthings. This too will pass, I promise. God Bless, Pam
Thank you both...:) Love, Christy
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