Being Real

Sometimes, I feel totally inadequate. I have been feeling that pit feeling a lot lately. I don't know why. I know what I am meant to do. I guess the time it takes to get there gives me too much time to think.

I love to paint. I feel like an inadequate artist. I've never had any "real" lessons, all I can do it paint from the heart.

These feelings will pass. They always do. It is hard to be in the middle of it, but I want to be real with everyone. Sometimes, emotions get the best of me, sometimes, I try so hard to be "happy" that I forget to feel the moment. That's when I stop listening. I need to listen.

The Pear Trees

I am thinking about stuff.....nothing terribly important just stuff....

If you had to choice to be totally beautiful but smell like dead fish, what would you chose? Here in Tennessee, we have pear trees everywhere, they are gorgeous! Everytime, we step outside, we are hit in the face or ummm nose, with the smell of dead fish. It is the PEAR TREES! They are beautiful but smell awful and I am allergic. I still like to look at them. Have you ever thought someone or something was so beautiful only to get close to it and realize it/they have issues like everyone else?

The truth is, I didn't know where I was going to go with this but I think I am going to use this to remind myself that no matter how beautiful a person is, they still may have issues, and it is okay because this is what gives us all the opportunity to be real and see the realness behind the beauty... Embrace the beauty of the pear trees, just hold your nose!

God has a sense of humor.

Stressed but Blessed

Sometimes, the most stressful days are the days we are given blessings. Today has been stressful for me but I am seeing the ways I have been blessed. Little kisses from God.

You

You are more brave than you think

sweet friend

no one goes through this life perfectly

it is not possible

the brave and the courageous

realize mistakes

then take off any masks

and admit them so that

somehow the mistake

can help others

once it is spoken

it no longer has power

over you

but has power

to help someone else

YOU are stronger than you know

and others will look

at you and get real

with themselves

and those they love

Kadi- you will get through this. I am proud of you and I love you.

The Newspaper

Here is where I find myself today...tired because i have been so busy, sad (for no apparent reason) and on the front of the living section in the Daily News Journal, which is the Murfreesboro newspaper.

So, my first inclination was, I am feeling sad (sometimes, I pick up other's sadness) so I need to write. Then, I remembered, the newpaper just out today. I wanted my blog to be an encouraging place for people who have become numb to life, people who are depressed...I thought I should not write anything but happy thoughts for a few days.

That is so not me. I love to write happy thoughts but only if they are real. I am thankful today, just not overly happy today. So, in order to be real with you friends, I have to admit to feeling a little down and there is not any ONE big issue that is bugging me.

Coming out of depression is a slow process. I am feeling MUCH better but I am a very sensitive person so it has it peaks and valleys with me.

I can't believe I almost fell for the "put on a fake front" thing. Just admitting the truth now. I feel better. LOL, really I do!

If you are a mom or anyone who struggles like I do...I hope you will leave a comment...it is an easier hill to climb once you know others are listening. I am glad God gave me a desire to try to find the real....